


Do you care at all?

by LoveLetter



Category: Shameless (TV), Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-04-03
Packaged: 2017-12-07 09:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/747051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveLetter/pseuds/LoveLetter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’ve been fucking my best friend behind my back only to break his heart, and you can’t even give me an explanation?”  Her eyebrows rise dramatically. “You owe me that much Mickey,” she continues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you care at all?

Mandy Milkovich is weak. 

She had always been weak, but she used to be good at pretending to be strong. She blames the Gallagher family for slowly poking holes in her tough exterior. They pulled her apart with their wide smiles and warm hands. 

When Lip and Ian leave her standing open mouthed and heavy hearted in the middle of her brother’s wedding reception, she tries to hate them. She fists her hands until her nails bite at the skin of her palms and she watches them stumble through the door. Ian’s large frame pulls Lip down as they stagger, and for a moment she thinks that they’re going to sink to the ground. Lip won’t let go; he only holds onto Ian tighter. If the Gallagher boys go down, they go down together.

Her favorite thing about Lip had been that he always took care of Ian. It’s twisted and it’s wrong, but she fell in love with the way that Lip loved Ian before she fell in love with Lip. 

When the dust settles, it takes Mandy too long to move and even longer to blink away her tears. She clicks her heels against the grimy floor and wracks her brain for answers. Ian’s face is seared into her memory and she replays his words over and over. Mickey and Ian, Ian and Mickey… 

She enters the basement and takes in Mickey’s crumpled frame as he leans crouched against the dirty wall. She remembers walking into the same room only hours before and wondering what the fuck was going on. Now she only wonders how she had missed it. 

“Do you love him?” She swallows. 

Mickey snaps his head in her direction, shock and heartbreak etched across his features. The weary flash of his eyes reminds her of the way he would sometimes look after their father would wail on him. He isn’t bleeding, but he looks like he should be. 

“He used to talk about this guy he was seeing, some closeted douche bag who treated him like shit. I should have known that it was you,” she walks towards him and he won’t meet her gaze. “Because you have gotta be the only asshole stupid enough to throw away Ian fucking Gallagher,” she finishes bitterly.

She wants to scream, and hit, and kick. She wants to hurt him the way that she’s hurting and the way that she knows Ian is hurting. 

“He thinks you hate him,” she whispers, feeling satisfied at the way he flinches. It’s ironic because Mickey would never flinch at the sight of a swinging fist. But words, Ian, those things make him flinch. 

“He thinks a lot of things, but he doesn’t really know shit,” Mickey sighs. He doesn’t bother denying anything she’s said, which she appreciates enough to keep from kicking his shin. 

“You just married some Russian whore. What is he supposed to think Mickey?” she bites accusingly.

She can feel the anger sting in her throat and burn through her chest. She wants to be angry at Mickey because that’s something she’s good at, but mostly she’s angry at herself. Mickey had broken Ian’s heart, but Mandy had let it happen. 

“He’s supposed to know! He’s supposed to just know,” he yells, huffing out a breath when the echoes of his words bounce along the walls. 

“What the fuck is he supposed to know?” she challenges. She moves to sit beside him against the wall, and her bare legs twitch when they rest against the bare concrete. 

“You wouldn’t understand,” he mutters. 

The truth was, Mandy didn’t understand. She didn’t understand how someone like Ian had fallen for someone like Mickey. She didn’t understand the wrecked look on her brother’s face or the wild abandon in Ian’s eyes. Part of her didn’t want to understand and part of her was desperate to. 

“I might not understand a lot of things, but I understand Ian. I understand my best fucking friend!” she screeches. 

“You don’t understand a goddamn thing about me and him,” Mickey scoffs. He sounds so sure and honest. Mandy almost punches him in the face because she knows that he’s right. 

“Then explain it to me,” she says. 

“No.” He grinds his teeth together. There’s something dangerous in his eyes, something Mandy has only seen when he’s been backed into a corner. She knows she should be scared, but she feels cornered too and she wants to get out. 

“You’ve been fucking my best friend behind my back only to break his heart, and you can’t even give me an explanation?” Her eyebrows rise dramatically. “You owe me that much Mickey,” she continues.

“I don’t owe you shit,” he shakes his head wildly. “It was right in front of your fucking face for two years and you still missed it. I’m sorry you’re such a dumb bitch but that ain’t my fault,” he finishes. 

“Stop being such a jackass! This matters Mickey, you know that this matters!” She looks at him imploringly, searching his face for some sort of answer. “Ian is a good person, the best person, and you ruined him,” she whispers.

“I know that, okay? I fucking know that,” he swallows.

“Do you care at all?” she questions. “Do you care at all?” Her voice elevates as she repeats her question, jaw clenching in frustration. 

“Yes. Yes I care, Jesus. I care too fucking much,” he admits. “That’s the problem Mandy.” He says her name the way he used to when they were kids. Like maybe it mattered that they were brother and sister, like maybe family meant something.

“I don’t understand why you’re treating him like this. Why did you marry that whore and why are you breaking his heart?” she softens.

“Dad walked in on us,” he mumbles. “This is how things have to be,” he adds.

“Fuck…” she breathes. 

“He just, I let him get inside my head and it messed everything up,” he drops his head helplessly into his hands.

“Who, dad?” she questions. 

“No, Gallagher. He was supposed to be a convenient lay, nothing more. But he got inside my fucking head and now I can’t get rid of him,” Mickey rubs at his eyes tiredly and for a second Mandy feels a rush of sympathy for her brother. “He wants to run away together or declare our love, or some shit. He doesn’t understand that this is our life. Russian whores and secret fucks are our life,” he explains. 

“He wants more,” Mandy nods. 

“Yeah, he wants more. And the shithead got me wanting more for a while too,” he spoke quietly. He paused for a moment, a look of resignation in his eyes, before continuing. 

“But reality pistol whipped me in the face and I get it now. I get how things have to be,” he shrugged.

“So what, it’s over?” she purses her lips expectantly, and she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s expecting. 

“That’s up to him.” he shrugs tensely. 

“I don’t think he sees it that way,” she murmurs. “He was so angry, so hurt. I’ve never seen him that way Mickey…” She bites her lip and blinks away the image of Ian in her mind. 

“Fuck, I told him that we could still see each other. This marriage doesn’t mean anything; it doesn’t have to change shit,” he grumbles. “He’s fucked married men before,” he sneers. 

“You’re different. The way he would talk about you, it was like the fucking sun shined out of your ass or something.” She shakes her head. 

“I do have a nice ass,” he smirks half-heartedly.

“Fuck off, you know what I mean. He really loves you. I don’t know why, like at all,” She nudges him with her shoulder and chuckles softly. Her head spins as the reality of the situation crashes down on her and she begins to laugh harder. 

“What are you laughing at?” he quirks an eyebrow.

“It’s just so fucking typical. The first boy I ever love falls for my big brother,” She knows that she sounds bitter, but she is so she doesn’t give a fuck. 

Mandy tried her hardest to stop herself from falling in love with Ian Gallagher. But she wasn’t very good at trying and she was an expert at failing, so it didn’t really work. She tried to move on and love Lip instead, Lip was an asshole but at least he was straight. It worked because she did fall in love with Lip, but she would always be a little bit in love with Ian. She would always love Ian best.

“Shit would be a lot easier if you had just been born with a dick,” Mickey offers after a moment. 

“Shit would be a lot easier if you and Ian were just straight,” she fires back.

“You’re telling me,” he mutters.

They sit silently, side by side, until the air in the room grows thick and uncomfortable. Mandy still doesn’t understand a single thing about the situation. She doesn’t understand, but she wants to make things better. All she’s done lately is fuck things up and for once she just wants to make things better.

“So what are you going to do?” she finally asks.

“Nothing, ball’s in his court now. He knows where I stand,” Mickey sniffs, picking at the fabric of his dark slacks.

“I highly doubt that. God, you’re such a fucking pussy. Just man up and tell him how you feel. Tell him your bitch bride doesn’t mean anything and you want to be with him,” she spits.

“I already did!” His eyes widen dramatically.

“Oh, really? You told him all of that.” She eyes him in disbelief. The bitches at school could say what they want but Mandy isn’t stupid. Oblivious maybe, but not stupid. 

“Basically…” He rubs his thumb against his lip anxiously.

“Basically isn’t gonna cut it this time Mickey,” she says.

“What do you want me to do, write him a fucking love poem?” He rolls his eyes, but Mandy doesn’t see the usual venom behind the action.

“I want you to fix my best friend. I want you to fix what you broke,” she demands. “Just talk to him, okay? Be honest and tell him how you feel,” she adds quietly.

“Since when are you the queen of relationships? Didn’t Lip kick you to the curb or something?” he grumbles.

“Lip never loved me. But Ian loves you, and if you love him back, don’t throw that away. It doesn’t matter how gay you two are, or how dumb he is for wanting you. If you love each other, don’t let him go. It’ll be the biggest mistake of your life, and that’s fucking saying something,” she exhales deeply, catching her breath. Mickey considers her words for a long moment, chewing at his lip and fidgeting with his fingers. The dark circles underneath his eyes stand out against his pale skin and Mandy thinks he looks scared.

“You think he’ll talk to me?” he wonders.

“You know he will shithead,” she kicks at his foot as a smile stretches across his face. The grin catches her off-guard and stirs something in her gut.

She doesn’t understand everything, she doesn’t understand much honestly. But she’s starting to understand that her brother and her best friend are in love. 

It shouldn’t make a whole lot of sense but maybe it does anyway.


End file.
